Christine Byrne Poetry and Translations Panelist
Wondering if you have what it takes? Eager to dip a toe into the blue lagoons of classic literature but still traumatized from high school English? Want to make millions!? (of words paper)?
Welcome to the VERY FIRST makeshift Buzzfeed-quiz-game show-knockoff-compilation blog post of this fine generation!
Let’s get started!
1. Do you like English?
a. Eh, it may be better than my other options
b. It’s my passion, my privilege, my greatest mystery and understanding
c. What do you mean by “like”
2. What appeals to you most about this oh-so-coveted major?
a. I don’t really know
b. The history, community, research, creativity, the grammar…need I go on?
c. The sheer glory that will resonate in my bold, artistic endeavors
d. I like stories
3. When you think about other people it goes a little like this…
a. I try not to
b. I see the best in all of them
c. Mostly duds, but I’m sentimental
d. Depends on the person
4. And words? How do you feel about words?
a. Are these really the best questions you have?
b. The foundation of human communication
c. I make ‘em up sometimes
d. Good stuff I guess
5. Describe yourself in a line
a. (no response)
b. “One zucchini does not ask another zucchini for praise” -Halliday
c. I couldn’t do myself justice
d. I’m that well adapted movie version you’re pretending not to love
6. Favorite quote
a. “I have nothing to offer anybody but my own confusion” -Jack Kerouac
b. I already used a quote in the last question, should I go again?
c. “Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distance” -Hass
d. Oh, I didn’t really prepare anything
7. Pick a color
8. Ideal date (mwah)
a. Coffee without exaggeration
b. Maybe a beach sunset? Or a road trip! We could plan something spontaneous…
c. Hah. Wouldn’t you like to know!
9. Where do you see yourself in five years?
a. In hiding
b. A mentor
c. I don’t even know where I’ll be in an hour
10. What terrifies you most?
a. My humanity
b. All of answer choice c.
c. Light-hearted questions like these
d. Buzzfeed quizzes
ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH.
Now that I know the essence of your being from this brilliant, highly evolved series of intricate questions, I have reached my conclusion: any of you can be an English major. See below for a 100% accurate characterization:
If you answered mostly A: Franz Kafka
Okay so you’re not so set on going through with the declaration…or finishing a declaration you’ve made…but that’s okay! The best of us are often spontaneous in both authentic and euphemistic ways. And if you hate English majors, that’s okay too! Sometimes we hate ourselves. Welcome to the journey, ya crazy kid.
If you answered mostly B: William Shakespeare
You love the English to its core. You respect the subject and take things seriously. Convention doesn’t rattle your bones and you own it! Ever think about a teaching concentration? I bet you can kick it at trivia… keep lovin’ the subject!
If you answered mostly C: Sylvia Plath
Alright you probably won’t listen to anything I say you weirdo writer-type you…but here’s a link to the website for UConn’s creative writing department! We’re expecting you to send us your brilliant work over here at LRR.
If you answered mostly D: Stanley Kubrick
Okay, I admit it, you’re probably cooler than me. Seems like you can jam with English, but have you checked out film?? If you can see in moving picture you gotta chase that. Here’s a link to our film minor.
So you want to be an English major?
Despite the findings of this perfectly crafted compilation, there is no “type” of person who is right for English. If you think you might like it, take a class or two! Check out events, and cough cough our sick magazine.
But yeah, English… it’s better than a million bucks.