Written by: Fernanda Ieffet
I think I speak for everyone in the world when I say that each one of us has experienced the most terrifying of nightmares when we were younger: going to school naked. I can still remember vividly (and trust me I have tried hard to forget it): the sensation of walking past the doors of my old high school, feeling a strange breeze in my legs, which I oddly ignored but, I guess if I didn’t, the dream would not have much material to work with so… it is what it is. I would then notice people staring at me, except that it is not in a flattering way (which I don’t get regardless because I look good with no clothes on). I would then look down and it would hit me: how the heck did I forget to put on my uniform to come to class? Missing the first period would have been better than this girl (I would tell myself). My skin would then start burning with shame, until I would finally wake up sweating and realize I was just sleeping this whole time. Well, workshops for a writer are kind of the translation of that, but worse: by sharing what you write, you are exposing a wound. You are parading a deep layer of yourself that is incredibly sacred, and that is…. petrifying. Letting people see your vulnerable side is uncomfortable (I should know this since I went to therapy for the first time when I was eight years old), but just like most instances in which you are pushing your own limits despite the painful distress it causes you, that does not mean it is the wrong thing to do! Hurting sometimes comes as a side effect of a good cause: there is great value in sharing your work, and I hope I can convince you of that by the end of this blog post.
It is hard to separate the author from the piece, and to be honest that is not even the right way to do it. Literature is personal. The character you are writing about might have a different hair color, hobby, nationality or even family context than you, but there is surely a lot of the raw materials that compose you shaping them as your pen scratches the paper in your desk. You know why that is? Because those are the tools at your disposal! They mold your perspective and that will inherently bleed into your art, whether you realize it or not. We do not write about things that do not matter to us, just like we do not gravitate towards things that do not speak to us in some sort of way. The truth, however, is that it is overwhelming to let the world know what is important to us, because that is usually the crack in our personal armor. Just like when your friends ask you to pick a song in the car ride, you suddenly feel highly aware of everyone’s reactions and start overinterpreting the rhythm of their breathing– just because you are insecure about what they will think (or is that just me? Awkwaaaard.) The same goes for your writing every time you postpone the publication of your book or poetry simply because you think you can still make it better if you just give it a little more time (even though it has been FIVE years since you last said that —yes, that is a micro aggression towards myself, don’t mind us ;)). This is not coming only from perfectionism: you are scared! And rightly so… you do not feel prepared. But let me tell you a small secret: you will never be (whispers). Just like the challenges that come your way in life, seeming like they are asking the impossible of you, you say f**k it and push through it, nonetheless. Not sharing an imperfect piece is just like quitting living because of your imperfect self; that is not what life is about, I promise you.
A dear friend of mine reminded me yesterday of the value of drafting publicly. Many will tell you the obvious benefits of workshopping: getting another perspective on your work, seeing if the message you were trying to get across came out clear, spotting what can be improved, etc. But somehow, they manage to leave the essence of it behind: it forces you to face your fears of being read and interpreted as a writer, and as an individual. Don’t deprive the world of your voice just because you are worried you will sing the wrong tune. So long as you are singing at all… or writing (follow my broken analogy guys haha), you are doing it right! And if you wake up the next day of publishing thinking “what have I done?” – just deal with it as you would when you dream of going to school naked: acknowledge you woke up and get out of bed to write more.
Featured Image Caption: This is an accurate representation of how I feel after a workshop of my writing.
